I pretend to know
about plants.
UNLICENSED
PLANT GUY
PLANT GUY
PROBABLY DIRT™
Pumpkin Patch
Brawl.
A turn-based struggle for control of the living room window. Attack, grow your patch, heal with water, or sing for a temporary combat buff.
TURN 01Both sides are photosynthesizing aggressively.☀ SUN: 3/5
PUMPKINS3 FIGHTERS
100 HP
VS
MONSTERATHE FANCY LEAVES
100 HP
Broadening my
unverified expertise.
My methodology combines vibes, half-remembered cartoons, and pointing at foliage while saying “photosynthesis” in a serious voice.
Water the soil,
not your shoes.
A common rookie mistake. Ask me how I know.
Monstera holes
are supposed to be there.
I was worried too. Apparently it is called fenestration, which I have now said once.
Sing directly
to the plants.
I think it helps. The plants have declined to comment, but I am building them a playlist.